They need to change, not me.

"I'm not the one with the problem." Ever hear that (or think it)? It's far more satisfying to place the blame 100% on someone else, especially if that person has wronged you. But God has a better way. Consider this: 

• Jesus tells you to love your enemies-even when your enemy takes the form of your husband, your mother or your best friend-and pray for them. Your loving example might convict your husband of his selfishness. 

 

• Settling heats disagreements requires humility, along with love, a willingness to forgive and faith in God's ability to change a person-even if that person is you. It takes humility to admit that though the other person is at fault, you may be partly at fault too. Often a resolution takes the form of a compromise, in which both of you admit some fault and work together to find ways to avoid more conflict in the future. In Nora and Scott's case, the compromise might be that Scott was to do a larger share of housework now while Nora works on her career. 

 

• The need to place blame and demand that someone else change could be a signal of bitterness in your heart. Paul warned against allowing bitterness to take root (see Ephesians 4:31-32). Bitterness can strangle the life of a believer. Refusing to be bitter doesn't mean that the person who wronged you is without fault. It's a way to acknowledge that God has the right to decide if, how and when to change a life, and it shows your dependence on his ability to make those changes.

 

•  One word you might not want to consider is submission. For many years this concept has been misunderstood and misused. However, God clearly tells women to submit to their husbands (see Ephesians 5:22), just as he tells a husband to sacrifice himself for his wife (see Ephesians 5:25). Remember that this passage about love and submission starts with the command for all people to submit to one another-but that doesn't mean that if your husband isn't submitting that you don't have to! Both you and your husband share a responsibility to each other. If you want your husband to change, the first step is to remember that Christ gave up his life for others-for you! This is what should motivate you to sacrifice, love and submit to those closest to you, including and especially your husband. Though submission is hard, and it grates against our willful spirits, it works wonders in relationships.  

-True Identity Bible
 
{Proverbs 25:21-22}
21 If your enemies are hungry, give them food to eat.

If they are thirsty, give them water to drink.

22 You will heap burning coals of shame on their heads,

and the Lord will reward you.

{Matthew 7:5}
Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.

{John 8:7}
They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!”

{Ephesians 4:32}
Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.