"Sexual abuse is at least partly the victim's fault."
I remember it as if it were yesterday, even though it's been over 20 years. I wanted to be invisible then, and the same feeling sometimes overcomes me today without warning.
I try to imagine myself covered with heavy clothes and blankets. Safe and secure in the closet...until the next time.
It wasn't very often. Just when he came home drunk. The first time it happened, I thought he was coming to say goodnight and tuck me in. Instead, he got into bed with me and started touching me. I knew he shouldn't be doing what he was doing, but I felt paralyzed. Each time after finished, he would tell me that he loved me and that if I told anyone, he would hate me. I wanted him to love me. On the other hand, I hated what he was doing.
When I got older, I learned how to avoid him. I slept over at someone else's house or his in the closet when he came home late. Always being on your guard in your own home is a terrible way to live.
I did some counseling in college, and I've told myself repeatedly that it wasn't my fault. Even though I know that intellectually, I still feel so ashamed. Surely I could have done something more to stop it. Maybe I should have told someone. Or I should have fought him. At the least, I should have been able to see it coming. If only I'd known what to do. it wouldn't have happened, and I could have a normal life.
-Hope
Sexual abuse is a terrible violation of a person's body and emotions. Some of the complex emotions that may result from sexual abuse include the following:
::Making excuses for the perpetrator::
Although a sexual abuse victim may with to rationalize her abuse, there is never an instance when it is "OK" or "just a mistake." The perpetrator is always responsible, even if alcohol or some other factor comes into play. When a person is sexually abused, it is never her fault. Period.
::Conflicting emotions::
A sexual abuse victim may love the perpetrator but hate what the perpetrator does. A child's brain is not designed to hold two intense, conflicting emotions at the same time. This often leads to depression and stress.
::"If only..."::
Abused women often feel they could or should have done something to stop the abuse. However, it is a very rare instance when the victim could have changed her situation. Often the perpetrator is bigger, stronger and more powerful (physically and emotionally). A child should never be asked to defend themselves against abuse.
::Guilt::
Women who have been sexually abused often feel guilty about what happened. They feel damaged and that their lives are permanently tainted because of something they could not control.
Sometimes the worst consequences of abuse is feeling you will never be whole again. However, if you belong to Jesus, when you are a brand new creation, regardless of what happened to you in the past. The journey toward healing may be long, but the Holy Spirit is always with you, guiding and loving you, no matter what. Trust that God will give you all you need on your journey.
Many people who care about sexual abuse victims are committed to helping them find healing for these complex emotions and painful memories. Go to a Christian counselor, a rape-counseling center or a domestic violence agency. You are not alone. Why not take the first steps toward healing today?
"1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before they turn 16. 75-95 percent of these victims know their offender." -FBI 1990
{Psalm 147:3-6}
3 He heals the brokenhearted
and bandages their wounds.
4 He counts the stars
and calls them all by name.
5 How great is our Lord! His power is absolute!
His understanding is beyond comprehension!
6 The lord supports the humble,
but he brings the wicked down into the dust.
{Isaiah 43:18-19}
18 “But forget all that—
it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.
19 For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.
{Romans 8:28}
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
{38-39}
38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.
39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I remember it as if it were yesterday, even though it's been over 20 years. I wanted to be invisible then, and the same feeling sometimes overcomes me today without warning.
I try to imagine myself covered with heavy clothes and blankets. Safe and secure in the closet...until the next time.
It wasn't very often. Just when he came home drunk. The first time it happened, I thought he was coming to say goodnight and tuck me in. Instead, he got into bed with me and started touching me. I knew he shouldn't be doing what he was doing, but I felt paralyzed. Each time after finished, he would tell me that he loved me and that if I told anyone, he would hate me. I wanted him to love me. On the other hand, I hated what he was doing.
When I got older, I learned how to avoid him. I slept over at someone else's house or his in the closet when he came home late. Always being on your guard in your own home is a terrible way to live.
I did some counseling in college, and I've told myself repeatedly that it wasn't my fault. Even though I know that intellectually, I still feel so ashamed. Surely I could have done something more to stop it. Maybe I should have told someone. Or I should have fought him. At the least, I should have been able to see it coming. If only I'd known what to do. it wouldn't have happened, and I could have a normal life.
-Hope
Sexual abuse is a terrible violation of a person's body and emotions. Some of the complex emotions that may result from sexual abuse include the following:
::Making excuses for the perpetrator::
Although a sexual abuse victim may with to rationalize her abuse, there is never an instance when it is "OK" or "just a mistake." The perpetrator is always responsible, even if alcohol or some other factor comes into play. When a person is sexually abused, it is never her fault. Period.
::Conflicting emotions::
A sexual abuse victim may love the perpetrator but hate what the perpetrator does. A child's brain is not designed to hold two intense, conflicting emotions at the same time. This often leads to depression and stress.
::"If only..."::
Abused women often feel they could or should have done something to stop the abuse. However, it is a very rare instance when the victim could have changed her situation. Often the perpetrator is bigger, stronger and more powerful (physically and emotionally). A child should never be asked to defend themselves against abuse.
::Guilt::
Women who have been sexually abused often feel guilty about what happened. They feel damaged and that their lives are permanently tainted because of something they could not control.
Sometimes the worst consequences of abuse is feeling you will never be whole again. However, if you belong to Jesus, when you are a brand new creation, regardless of what happened to you in the past. The journey toward healing may be long, but the Holy Spirit is always with you, guiding and loving you, no matter what. Trust that God will give you all you need on your journey.
Many people who care about sexual abuse victims are committed to helping them find healing for these complex emotions and painful memories. Go to a Christian counselor, a rape-counseling center or a domestic violence agency. You are not alone. Why not take the first steps toward healing today?
"1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before they turn 16. 75-95 percent of these victims know their offender." -FBI 1990
{Psalm 147:3-6}
3 He heals the brokenhearted
and bandages their wounds.
4 He counts the stars
and calls them all by name.
5 How great is our Lord! His power is absolute!
His understanding is beyond comprehension!
6 The lord supports the humble,
but he brings the wicked down into the dust.
{Isaiah 43:18-19}
18 “But forget all that—
it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.
19 For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.
{Romans 8:28}
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
{38-39}
38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.
39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
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